Fifteen Things MCs Say

Anyone who has ever had the misfortune to stand near me on a night out will no doubt have had to put up with one of my rambling diatribes against MCs. Back in the day, I've been restrained whilst attempting to launch a shoe at Wrec and escaped a shanking from some scary blokes after asking a blathering track-suited idiot to shut the hell up and get off the mic during a Sub Focus set (after which he fist-bumped me and gave me a shoutout. I think he rather missed the point of what I was saying).

However, in recent years, I've found myself taking a softer line against the MC and even find some of them almost enjoyable, provided they keep their mouths shut for most of the set and keep the mic turned way down. I can appreciate that some people really quite enjoy the impact of MCs on live D&B and it's gotta be said that some of those lyrical MCs "got mad skillz", but at best they are an acceptable distraction, bigging up the DJs and keeping the crowd going, at worst they can ruin a set.



Anyway, like them or loathe them, MCs are as much a part of drum and bass as swinging is to caravan ownership. The only real qualities required to become an MC are the ability to count up to four and a complete disregard for the mood and enjoyment of your audience. You certainly don't need any real creative skills as MCs have been spouting the same nonsense for the past twenty years. As a result of this, there's a wealth of clichéd rubbish out there in the public domain, free for the taking for those who wish to ply their trade as a master of ceremonies.

Let's have a quick run down of the most common MC lines. I'd imagine you could create some sort of bingo-style drinking game around these, although what with the price of booze in clubs these days and the frequency MCs run out the same tired old lyrics, it could rapidly become quite an expensive evening.

1. "WATCH THE DROP!"
Yeah mate, way to ruin the impact by yelling all over it.

See also:
"Watch the mix!"

2. "This one's for the ladies!"
Any track with female vocals, from Jenna G's wailing to Riya singing about her Amazon delivery failing to arrive, is automatically "One for the ladies" apparently. Seems a little sexist if you ask me. Everyone knows that Netsky is the go to producer for girly D&B these days anyway.

3. "Where's my weed smokers at?!"
Well since the smoking ban came in to force five years ago, they definitely aren't on the dancefloor. Try outside?

4. "OH MY DAYZ!"
Yeah yeah, we all just heard the double drop, no need to go on about it.

5. "If you got two hands lemme see two hands"
Bit discriminatory towards those in the crowd who have lost hands or arms in farming accidents or whilst serving their country eh?

6. "Lemme hear ya Cable\Fabric\Daventry!"
No. Shush.

See also:
"MAKE SOME NOISE!"
"Somebody say bo!"

7. "When I say drums, you say bass..."
"Drums!" "SHUT".
"Bass!" "UP".

See also:
"When I say High, you say Contrast"
When I say Renegade, you say Hardware"
"When I say jobseekers, you say allowance"

8. "INSIDE THE PLACE"
I literally don't know what this even means.

9. "OI OI OI OI!"
Yep, that's generally how drum and bass works, thanks for pointing that out.

See also: "ONE TWO THREE FOUR."

10. "Buddah buddah buddah buddah buddah buddah bo check me one time when you check my flow..."
Jesus wept just shut up!

11. "Who knows this one?!"
EVERYONE knows Racing Green. Please stop ruining it.

See also:
"This one's for the heads that know..."

12. "Ya know we never stop dancing dancing dancing dancing"
Well I'm going outside for a smoke unless you stop singing singing singing singing.

13. "REWIND!"
MCs always seem to shout for a rewind on the worst tracks. Or maybe they're just covering cos the DJ fluffed it. Either way, nothing is more tedious than an MC who's too trigger happy with the rewinds.

See also:
"RELOAD!"

14. "...it's all about the music..."
Then stop rambling over the top of it yeah?

15. "Who's still with me?!"
Nobody, SOD OFF!

MCs aren't all bad news though, sometimes they can be just about bearable (check Conrad and Lowqui) and SP:MC has his moments, provided he's not performing live. The only real way to deal with them is just to go with the flow and try not to get too wound up. Who knows, maybe you'll even end up enjoying yourself?

Sub Focus, Howtek & Brookes Brothers - Verano

Can't decide what to make of Sub Focus' new track Out The Blue. It's not very good, but I really like listening to it. I'm so confused. No doubt it'll get plenty of Radio 1 airplay and Sub Focus will be able to add another eight thousand lights to the rig for his live shows.

Anyway, who the hell cares? Nick Douwma could start putting out J-Pop and I'd still give the man a kidney. After all, this is the dude who carved Airplane out of a single 17,000 KG lump of granite with his bare hands.

Let's just forget all about it with some old(ish) school collab business, bringing in Howtek and the Brookes Brothers for a bit of snarly jump up.

Much better.

That Last Jungle intro still gives me goosebumps.

Xample and Lomax - Link To The Past

Sub Focus knows it.

High Contrast knows it.

Andy C definitely knows it.

Link To The Past is a total earthshaker.

SCREWFACE!

After Action Report: Bestival 2010

Over the past few years, and despite it's awful name, Bestival has definitely established itself as both the last festival of the season, and the last hurrah of the summer, making it very much a festival of mixed emotions. It heralds the start autumn, but also gives the summer a massive, ravey pat on the back, and that can only be a good thing.

This was our third run on Bestival, and the lineup remained as diverse as ever, unmatched by any other UK festival for it's ability to cover every strand of the musical spectrum. It seemed that it would be impossible for Rob Da Bank to bring together a collection of performers as fantastic as those in attendance last year (how can you top Kraftwerk?), but he certainly managed it, running from the mainstream (headliners Dizzy Rascal and The Prodigy) to the more left field (basically everyone else).

There were so many good performances this year, that it's hard to know where to begin, but here's some of the highlights, although it's important not to forget the many DJs and acts who filled in the gaps between and kept the music flowing throughout.

The mesmerising, fragile electronica of Four Tet kicked things off for us on Friday afternoon, blowing away the hangovers and broken knees from Thursday night's partying in the Chai Wallah tent, followed up by Bestival stalwarts Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip. We've always had love for Beard and Sideburns, ever since seeing them back at Latitude 2007, and they owned the main stage, with the crowd singing along to every word.

As the day ran on, other highlights included beat poet hero Gil Scott-Heron, who slowed things down a notch with his soul and blues, including an amazing rendition of "We Almost Lost Detroit" and Flying Lotus, whose intensive bass-therapy kept things weird and wobbly in the Big Top once the masses had cleared off at the end of The xx. Despite our general lack of interest in Dizzy Rascal, he really did put on a great performance as he closed the Main Stage for the Friday night.

Saturday saw both Rolf Harris driving back the morning rain with his ancient Australian voodoo magic and David Rodigan presenting his history of dub lesson in the Bollywood Bar, with The Wailers and Darwin Deez keeping things ticking over in between. We couldn't get close to Bollywood to see Shy FX (drum and bass always attracts a bad crowd), but fortunately D-Bridge and Instra:Mental cleared most of the lightweights out, leaving us access to High Contrast, who pretty much played the best set I've seen since the Hospitality at the Scala back in 2008. Following on from High Contrast was Sub Focus in the Big Top, who slightly disappointed by just sticking to his album tracks, but with an album as good as his, you can't really blame him, and we all had a great time singing along to the old knees up classics of Last Jungle, Timewarp and so on. A fantastic end to the night.

With Sunday rolling round, fatigue was definitely starting to set in, but an early pick me up from The Bikini Beach Band surf rock crew certainly sorted us out, as did a nice stroll in the woods. Wax Tailor's trippy hip hop in the Big Top was also great fun, and The Prodigy tore it out on the Main Stage, showing just what an accomplished, nuclear-powered festival machine they have become. Closing the festival in the Big Top was the hauntingly beautiful Fever Ray and of course the incredible LCD Soundsystem, with James Murphy giving it his all. A powerful, emotional performance, and my personal highlight of the Festival.

Bestival remains without a doubt the highlight of the UK festival season, although this year it certainly seemed to be feeling the strain of the extra 8000-odd punters. Obviously it's a business, and for all the promoters' talk about being a celebration of music and gaiety or whatever nonsense the marketing team come up with for next year, it needs to make money. However, it felt like the festival was at capacity last year, and if they try and cram anymore people in, they risk killing it. There was definitely a shortage of toilets and camping space this year, despite the best efforts of the stewards and cleanup squads, and the usual complaints about choke points remain. What sort of maniac chooses to hold a festival on an island anyway?

Beer, programme costs, ferries, shuttle buses and parking fees all remain a massive ripoff, which leaves a bad taste in the mouth, but this has long been par for the course when it comes to UK festivals, and as long as you're prepared for the shock, and sensible about sneaking booze through security, it shouldn't be enough to ruin an excellent weekend. The sad thing is that Bestival has shown that it can command these prices, and will no doubt be even more expensive next year.

But we shall go back.

We need to go back.

There's a magic to Bestival that one struggles to find anywhere else, despite it becoming increasingly mainstream. The music, the performers, the strange bits of sculpture, the site and the crowd all come together perfectly to create a wonderful vibe.

It's the best festival.

After Action Report: L.E.D Festival 28/8/2010

As we trekked down to Victoria Park, Hackney, for the first London Electronic Dance Festival (or LED; wonder which came first, the name or the acronym?), we were expecting August rain and mud. Fortunately, the sun came out and the clouds parted. An auspicious sign for what looked to be a great day of music, albeit a weirdly diverse one.


We skipped LED's Friday night, with the headliners David Guetta, Calvin Harris et al. promising largely cheese-flavoured house (great if that's what you're into, but not really the sort of artists anyone would want to pay money to see when you can hear their stuff at a million Lloyd's/Wetherspoons across the country on a Friday night). I'd had a quick look at the Internet chatter, which suggested the first day of the event had been a bit of a shambles, with set times all over the place. It's important to remember however that people always rush to Facebook when they feel even a tiny bit aggrieved with something, so one has to take the e-rage with a pinch of salt and the anticipation of Leftfield and Aphex Twin far over-powered any trepidation.

Anyway, as we approached Victoria Park, everything seemed to be running well. Security weirdly confiscated the lid from my water bottle, whilst missing the eight keys of uncut cocaine in the bottom of my bag, but apart from that there was little trouble retrieving the tickets and getting through the gate. We arrived to the sound of Sub Focus's Timewarp thudding away in the distance and were surprised to find that it actually was Sub Focus, on at three in the afternoon.

Sub Focus - Fantastic set from Mr Douwma, even though he kept veering off into house and dubstep (at least it keeps the kids happy). MC ID largely got in the way of the music (as to be expected) but occasionally shut up long enough for the audience to hear what the DJ was doing. Was amazing to hear Xample and Lomax - Link To The Past go off loud, and it's impossible to get bored of Last Jungle and Rock It, no matter how much it's been run into the ground over the last few years.

Professor Green - Pretty good performance, even though Grime isn't really of interest to anyone ever. General opinions seem to be that he sounded like Eminem, but that this was a good thing.

Shy FX - Lovely, solid drum and bass from a DJ that for some reason I've always found it hard to get excited about, even though he's done great sets in the past. Opening with SL2 - On A Ragga Tip set up the perfect festival vibe and with the absence of an MC, Shy FX's set was actually more satisfying the Sub Focus's.

Boy Better Know - Lots of shouting men. Meh.

Annie Mac - Functional set from the Radio 1 DJ. Wasn't expecting anything special, but the crowd seemed to be enjoying it. The overpriced beer/cider double team must have been working its magic by this point.

Goldfrapp - For a festival with only two stages and not that many acts, the fact that Goldfrapp clashed with Aphex Twin was pretty unforgivable, although perhaps the organizers felt that Aphex's abusive electronic hatenoise and Goldfrapp's airy synthpop would have little crossover appeal. Anyway, we missed the start of Aphex to see Goldfrapp, but for this I have no remorse. Goldfrapp gave an awesome performance, with Alison Goldfrapp seemingly dressed as a swarm of bees, mixing older tracks with newer stuff as the sun set over Hackney. Lovely stuff.

Aphex Twin - Despite missing the start of Richard D. James' LED performance, we fortunately arrived in time to feel the full force of his deranged techno throatpunch. As his set built to a thunderous climax, it felt like being trapped in the boot of a taxi whilst dinosaurs pound on the outside, shining lasers and strobes in through the keyhole (i.e. he smashed it).

Leftfield - Being the last act, everyone flocked to the main stage to catch Leftfield in action, so there was no way to get near the front and feel the full impact of the band. Leftfield will always hold a special place in my heart, as Leftism was one of my first albums, and it was fantastic to hear so many tracks dropped. Space Shanty, Afrika Shox, Open Up, Afro-Left; they all still pack a one hell of a punch, and when Phat Planet inevitably went off for the encore, my head exploded.

So overall, LED was certainly a great day out, with even the shit selection of overpriced beer and slightly dodgy timetabling not enough to hold it back. The only major problem had to be that the sound levels were all over the place. I assumed this was due to evil sound technicians messing with the drug munchers, but it was more likely the result of licensing restrictions. Was quite a shame though, because a little more oomph would have pushed Leftfield into the stratosphere.

Will be interesting to see if LED happens again next year. Certainly one to keep an eye on.

Turning Back The Clock

It started with Sub Focus.

I wish I could claim to be more old skool than that, but for me, it was all about Sub Focus, or more specifically, his 2005 Breezeblock mix. Then came High Contrast's 2007 Essential Mix. Then a few of the old State of Mind Next Level Shows, ripped from Auckland's 95bFM. Until hearing these mixes, my only D&B experience had been the mighty Black Sun Empire, a wee bit of NOISIA, and some Roni Size tracks that accidentally broke through to the mainstream.

These were the mixes that got me hooked. I can't even remember how these things came into my life, or who set me onto them. I'd imagine they came from a mate's CDRs or a USB stick or something.

It wasn't long after hearing the High Contrast Essential Mix that I downloaded "Now More Than Ever", by Logistics. Since then, I've been a D&B head, and never been able to look back. I've bought more or less every new Hospital CD, a whole stack of Spearhead stuff, and a bunch of other producers’ stuff. I can't stop buying drum and bass, and I can't stop going to D&B nights, whether its Hospital, Spearhead, Ram, Renegade Hardware, Shogun, Lifted, Viper, Med School or whatever.

I've seen Logistics DJ live so many times, it borders on stalking.

Over the last four years, I have spent most of my money either attending D&B gigs, or buying new releases, and file sharing, most often via the internet is totally to blame for this.

I consume vast amounts of drum and bass music. Some of it paid for, some of it downloaded, some of it live, but I know I wouldn't have got nearly so messed up on this stuff if it hadn't been the for the internet, that huge pipe pumping beats and news and gig dates directly into my brain, and this is what scares me.

The politicians and business groups behind the 2010 Digital Economy Act claim that the bill is necessary to protect the future of the creative industries in Britain, but really it will do quite the opposite. Time was when kids would find out about new music from John Peel, publications like NME, or just by getting out there and spreading the word. Over the last decade, the internet has crashed onto the scene, and the entertainment industries have (in some cases wilfully) remained one step behind. The net is now the most important tool for promoting and distributing content, and yet the Digital Economy Act threatens to turn back the clock to 1997. The DE Bill, far from protecting Britain’s digital future, seems more like Ned Ludd kicking his way into a server farm with a sledgehammer and smashing the place up.

I'm not whinging about the DE Bill because I’m worried about not being able to watch new episodes of Lost or South Park. I like buying music. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to know that I’m supporting the artists who produce the music I love, and whenever I buy a new Logistics release, he can buy some more hats. For me, the internet has opened up a whole world of music and experiences that I may never have discovered without it, and it scares me that other people could be denied these opportunities because of internet censorship and the government bending over backwards to meet the demands of a bald man with a yacht.

Censorship and cutting off peoples’ internet connections can only harm Britain and leave us floundering behind the rest of the world. The country needs a Digital Economy bill, but one that promotes the nation’s digital future and looks forward, rather than tries to provide life support for an industry whose consumer base has moved on without it apparently noticing.

http://www.openrightsgroup.org/