Fifteen Things MCs Say

Anyone who has ever had the misfortune to stand near me on a night out will no doubt have had to put up with one of my rambling diatribes against MCs. Back in the day, I've been restrained whilst attempting to launch a shoe at Wrec and escaped a shanking from some scary blokes after asking a blathering track-suited idiot to shut the hell up and get off the mic during a Sub Focus set (after which he fist-bumped me and gave me a shoutout. I think he rather missed the point of what I was saying).

However, in recent years, I've found myself taking a softer line against the MC and even find some of them almost enjoyable, provided they keep their mouths shut for most of the set and keep the mic turned way down. I can appreciate that some people really quite enjoy the impact of MCs on live D&B and it's gotta be said that some of those lyrical MCs "got mad skillz", but at best they are an acceptable distraction, bigging up the DJs and keeping the crowd going, at worst they can ruin a set.



Anyway, like them or loathe them, MCs are as much a part of drum and bass as swinging is to caravan ownership. The only real qualities required to become an MC are the ability to count up to four and a complete disregard for the mood and enjoyment of your audience. You certainly don't need any real creative skills as MCs have been spouting the same nonsense for the past twenty years. As a result of this, there's a wealth of clichéd rubbish out there in the public domain, free for the taking for those who wish to ply their trade as a master of ceremonies.

Let's have a quick run down of the most common MC lines. I'd imagine you could create some sort of bingo-style drinking game around these, although what with the price of booze in clubs these days and the frequency MCs run out the same tired old lyrics, it could rapidly become quite an expensive evening.

1. "WATCH THE DROP!"
Yeah mate, way to ruin the impact by yelling all over it.

See also:
"Watch the mix!"

2. "This one's for the ladies!"
Any track with female vocals, from Jenna G's wailing to Riya singing about her Amazon delivery failing to arrive, is automatically "One for the ladies" apparently. Seems a little sexist if you ask me. Everyone knows that Netsky is the go to producer for girly D&B these days anyway.

3. "Where's my weed smokers at?!"
Well since the smoking ban came in to force five years ago, they definitely aren't on the dancefloor. Try outside?

4. "OH MY DAYZ!"
Yeah yeah, we all just heard the double drop, no need to go on about it.

5. "If you got two hands lemme see two hands"
Bit discriminatory towards those in the crowd who have lost hands or arms in farming accidents or whilst serving their country eh?

6. "Lemme hear ya Cable\Fabric\Daventry!"
No. Shush.

See also:
"MAKE SOME NOISE!"
"Somebody say bo!"

7. "When I say drums, you say bass..."
"Drums!" "SHUT".
"Bass!" "UP".

See also:
"When I say High, you say Contrast"
When I say Renegade, you say Hardware"
"When I say jobseekers, you say allowance"

8. "INSIDE THE PLACE"
I literally don't know what this even means.

9. "OI OI OI OI!"
Yep, that's generally how drum and bass works, thanks for pointing that out.

See also: "ONE TWO THREE FOUR."

10. "Buddah buddah buddah buddah buddah buddah bo check me one time when you check my flow..."
Jesus wept just shut up!

11. "Who knows this one?!"
EVERYONE knows Racing Green. Please stop ruining it.

See also:
"This one's for the heads that know..."

12. "Ya know we never stop dancing dancing dancing dancing"
Well I'm going outside for a smoke unless you stop singing singing singing singing.

13. "REWIND!"
MCs always seem to shout for a rewind on the worst tracks. Or maybe they're just covering cos the DJ fluffed it. Either way, nothing is more tedious than an MC who's too trigger happy with the rewinds.

See also:
"RELOAD!"

14. "...it's all about the music..."
Then stop rambling over the top of it yeah?

15. "Who's still with me?!"
Nobody, SOD OFF!

MCs aren't all bad news though, sometimes they can be just about bearable (check Conrad and Lowqui) and SP:MC has his moments, provided he's not performing live. The only real way to deal with them is just to go with the flow and try not to get too wound up. Who knows, maybe you'll even end up enjoying yourself?

Artificial Intelligence - Days Of Rage VIP

Someone needs to drop this at the next big London protest.

Music to overthrow governments to.

The XX - Crystalised (Dark Sky Remix)

More impressive xx remix business, this time from Dark Sky.

I hate UKG. It's pretty much universally awful. It almost sounds like D&B, but with all the fun and hope and joy sucked out of it. However, this is actually quite nice; old school enough to make you feel a little nostalgic, but not so 90s garage-esque as to make you want to turn it off. A fine line indeed.

The Greatest Video On YouTube

Considering that YouTube is stuffed full of videos of people's cats, fat kids falling off things and clips from Godfrey Ho movies, naming one single video as "The Greatest on YouTube" is a pretty bold statement. There is however one video that is always guaranteed to put a smile on my face.



At first, this may appear to just be a video of Joy Division performing their 1979 track Transmission. Whilst Joy Division are a great band, and Transmission is certainly an incredible song, this alone doesn't really qualify it as the greatest video on YouTube. After all, there's a wealth of great music available on the site.

At 2.36 however, something truly magical happens.

Midway through the song, out of nowhere, Bono pops up.


Now, I dislike Bono as much as the next person. The man is incredibly wealthy and successful, which is reason enough to feel animosity to someone, but this enmity is compounded by his hypocritical preachiness. To have his smug face invade the middle of a Joy Division track is like being smashed in the head with a trout and your immediate response is to yell, "FUCK OFF BONO". His intrusion is not just an annoyance, but a total insult.

And then you read the comments beneath the video.

Traditionally, venturing below the line on a YouTube video is a terrible idea. The majority of user submitted commentary on these things is either people repeating what's in the video or arguing with each other in barely legible English. Even a clip of Fireman Sam will probably have idiots underneath it arguing about whether or not Obama is a Nazi.

But the Transmission video is different. The YouTube commentariat are united in their hatred of Bono, and the 3000+ comments read as a vicious, bile-filled diatribe against the man. From the simple "fuck of bono" to the more in depth death threats, browsing this never-ending cascade of rage and vitriol always cheers me up.

Perhaps the best thing about the video is, it's actually a snippet of a documentary about Factory Records rather than a straight up music video, and Bono's reason for being there is to express his love of Joy Division and Ian Curtis, rather than to deliberately ruin the track as many of those commenting appear to believe, but his sudden appearance creates such a hilariously savage response in viewers that one must conclude it really is the greatest video on YouTube.

Although I've embedded it above, I urge you to visit the video's YouTube page so as to enjoy the malevolence for yourself.

I'll leave you with the simple words of Mr WARSHIPSATIN999:

Scribbler Podcast: Artificial Intelligence & MC Lowqui - Live

I'm normally at my most vocal when whining about MCs ruining D&B. Their constant gibbering gets all over the music, and it really does frustrate me when a track you love drops, only for an MC to shout, "OH CRIKEY, THIS ONE'S NASTY BRUV!"

Just fuck off already!

Having said that, the latest Scribbler Podcast has a brilliant Artificial Intelligence mix, featuring MC Lowqui doing a great job on vocal duty.

Enjoy!
http://djscribbler.com/media/Scribbler-LIVE-ARTIFICIAL-INTELLIGENCE-LOWQUI-23042010.mp3

For more info and more Scribbler Podcasts: http://djscribbler.com/

Can I Get A Reload?: TIE Fighter

Recently, I've found myself replaying a few of the older games in my collection, a situation that has arisen out of a mixture of boredom and the fact that my PC lacks the oomph to run anything post 2007 at an acceptable standard. It's been quite an interesting experience, revisiting titles that I remember were fantastic in their day and seeing how they've stood the test of time.




TIE Fighter (1994): Who doesn't have fond memories of playing TIE Fighter? Probably quite a lot of people actually (doubt anyone under the age of 18 has even heard of it), but let's not dwell too much on that. Deeply atmospheric as only a Star Wars space sim could be, TIE Fighter was a Proper Star Wars Game, with a pretty cool plot that saw you completing missions as both a faceless TIE pilot nobody and as a sort of special agent for the Empire (often placing your primary mission goals in jeopardy). Flying missions for the Empire mostly involved policing the galaxy, busting pirates/smugglers and combating Rebellion "terrorists", making a nice change from the guerrilla-style hit and run missions of X-Wing.

TIE Fighter was also bloody tough, especially in the early stages when you're piloting fighters with low or non-existent shielding, possibly made from balsa wood. This forced the player to rely on speed and maneuverability, as well as careful management of shield and laser energy in order to stay alive. It seems that the developers realised quite how tough and frustrating the game could at times become, and chose to include the option to turn player invincibility on or off at any time. Whilst this might seem like a bit of a cop out, I think it actually proves to be a smart inclusion, if used sparingly.

So what's it like to revisit TIE Fighter? Obviously the game looks old (it came out in 1994!) but rather than hold back the game, I feel the aged graphics actually give it a sense of charm. The ship models and textures lack detail and the actual space environments themselves are sparse, with a few pixley planets here and there, but the gameplay remains so solid that it is easy to look past the game's age and have a thoroughly enjoyable experience. The craft-specific cockpits/HUDs are also nicely detailed and actually go quite a long way to giving the various fighters a good sense of identity.

I was playing with the "Enemies of the Empire" add on campaign, which adds three additional sets of missions following on from the main game. The primary focus of the campaign involves hunting down a rogue Imperial commander and his fleet, which actually becomes a bit dull when compared to the variety of missions found in the original game. I certainly felt that once the game no longer centres around being a Fascist Space Policeman, it loses much of what originally made it stand out from other space combat games.

There are variety of legal and less-than-legal ways to track down copies of TIE Fighter, and I'd definitely recommend that you give it a play. Having said that, I bloody love space shooters, but I know they're hardly to every one's taste (which is why they died out back at the end of the '90s, but there's a whole other post for that). Word on the streets is that LucasArts might be re-releasing all it's space shooters over Steam, hopefully opening them up to a new audience, as well as giving old-timers a chance to revisit them. I'd rather see a whole new TIE Fighter release with shiny modern graphics and stuff, but no one likes space games these days, so I can't really see that happening. Even if LucasArts were to do this, they'd probs shit out some godawful Phantom Menace themed nightmare.

Ah well, all this ranting about TIE Fighter has really got me jonesing for some X-Wing Alliance now...