Fifteen Things MCs Say

Anyone who has ever had the misfortune to stand near me on a night out will no doubt have had to put up with one of my rambling diatribes against MCs. Back in the day, I've been restrained whilst attempting to launch a shoe at Wrec and escaped a shanking from some scary blokes after asking a blathering track-suited idiot to shut the hell up and get off the mic during a Sub Focus set (after which he fist-bumped me and gave me a shoutout. I think he rather missed the point of what I was saying).

However, in recent years, I've found myself taking a softer line against the MC and even find some of them almost enjoyable, provided they keep their mouths shut for most of the set and keep the mic turned way down. I can appreciate that some people really quite enjoy the impact of MCs on live D&B and it's gotta be said that some of those lyrical MCs "got mad skillz", but at best they are an acceptable distraction, bigging up the DJs and keeping the crowd going, at worst they can ruin a set.



Anyway, like them or loathe them, MCs are as much a part of drum and bass as swinging is to caravan ownership. The only real qualities required to become an MC are the ability to count up to four and a complete disregard for the mood and enjoyment of your audience. You certainly don't need any real creative skills as MCs have been spouting the same nonsense for the past twenty years. As a result of this, there's a wealth of clichéd rubbish out there in the public domain, free for the taking for those who wish to ply their trade as a master of ceremonies.

Let's have a quick run down of the most common MC lines. I'd imagine you could create some sort of bingo-style drinking game around these, although what with the price of booze in clubs these days and the frequency MCs run out the same tired old lyrics, it could rapidly become quite an expensive evening.

1. "WATCH THE DROP!"
Yeah mate, way to ruin the impact by yelling all over it.

See also:
"Watch the mix!"

2. "This one's for the ladies!"
Any track with female vocals, from Jenna G's wailing to Riya singing about her Amazon delivery failing to arrive, is automatically "One for the ladies" apparently. Seems a little sexist if you ask me. Everyone knows that Netsky is the go to producer for girly D&B these days anyway.

3. "Where's my weed smokers at?!"
Well since the smoking ban came in to force five years ago, they definitely aren't on the dancefloor. Try outside?

4. "OH MY DAYZ!"
Yeah yeah, we all just heard the double drop, no need to go on about it.

5. "If you got two hands lemme see two hands"
Bit discriminatory towards those in the crowd who have lost hands or arms in farming accidents or whilst serving their country eh?

6. "Lemme hear ya Cable\Fabric\Daventry!"
No. Shush.

See also:
"MAKE SOME NOISE!"
"Somebody say bo!"

7. "When I say drums, you say bass..."
"Drums!" "SHUT".
"Bass!" "UP".

See also:
"When I say High, you say Contrast"
When I say Renegade, you say Hardware"
"When I say jobseekers, you say allowance"

8. "INSIDE THE PLACE"
I literally don't know what this even means.

9. "OI OI OI OI!"
Yep, that's generally how drum and bass works, thanks for pointing that out.

See also: "ONE TWO THREE FOUR."

10. "Buddah buddah buddah buddah buddah buddah bo check me one time when you check my flow..."
Jesus wept just shut up!

11. "Who knows this one?!"
EVERYONE knows Racing Green. Please stop ruining it.

See also:
"This one's for the heads that know..."

12. "Ya know we never stop dancing dancing dancing dancing"
Well I'm going outside for a smoke unless you stop singing singing singing singing.

13. "REWIND!"
MCs always seem to shout for a rewind on the worst tracks. Or maybe they're just covering cos the DJ fluffed it. Either way, nothing is more tedious than an MC who's too trigger happy with the rewinds.

See also:
"RELOAD!"

14. "...it's all about the music..."
Then stop rambling over the top of it yeah?

15. "Who's still with me?!"
Nobody, SOD OFF!

MCs aren't all bad news though, sometimes they can be just about bearable (check Conrad and Lowqui) and SP:MC has his moments, provided he's not performing live. The only real way to deal with them is just to go with the flow and try not to get too wound up. Who knows, maybe you'll even end up enjoying yourself?

Yo Dudes, Let's Talk About Dubstep!

Hi there pop pickers, have you heard the fresh new music that's taking the UK by storm? Young adults up and down the country are all grooving to a funky new sound called dubstep!

From Peaches Geldof to the cast of Skins, everyone's getting down to the exciting urban flavas, but what exactly is it that people are getting so steamed up about?

Well let's take a look!

Dubstep originally developed on the mean streets of New York City in the mid 1970s, where roaming urban street gangs would meet at weekly dubstep discos to "get up in each other's grills" and bust out some hot new moves.

An original NY dubstep crew, ready to roll.

"Dub" means to change the spoken language of a TV show or film to that of another language by replacing the audio track, and "step" is New York street slang for "walk", so dubstep literally means, "to change the sound of walking to that of another sound". The coolest thing of all about dubstep is the way in which it brings together both heavy basslines and repetitive drum patterns, something that has never really been attempted before in popular music.

Now it's 2011, and dubstep has started to cross the Atlantic. Instrumental in leading the charge of dubstep in the UK has been Radio 1 DJ Fearne Cotton;
"I really like dubstep," says Fearne, "it's the most exciting thing to happen to UK music since Take That reformed. It's mentaaaaal, but genius."

Even Wales is getting in on the action.

So what are my top dubstep picks for those of you wanting to get ahead of the game?

First up, one of the leading lights in the UK dubstep game: Katy B

Katy B seems to write a lot of songs about going clubbing and dancing, but for some reason neglects to mention the belligerent security, overpriced drinks and frequent outbreaks of violence and glassings that makes the UK clubbing experience one of the most unique in the world.

At the deeper, darker end of the dubstep spectrum is Britney Spears:

Wowzers! What a bass drop! Hold onto your hats!

Of course, not all dubstep is as serious as Katy B or Britney, as St Petersburg outfit Giant show us with their Dad-rock influenced classic:

This groovy little number was recently outlawed in Canada for being just too darn heavy.

UK crew Mumford and Sons are putting a distinctively British spin on the dubstep sound with their hit single Roll Away Your Stone:

Just listen to that massive drop at 2.41. Tracks like this should come with a government health warning.

Last up, it'd be criminal to write about dubstep without a mention of the godfathers of the sound; Scritti Politti:

If it wasn't for the daring innovation shown by these guys, dubstep could never have blown up in the way it has. The mind boggles.

I hope you've enjoyed this brief dubstep primer, see you cats at a discotheque soon!