With all this talk of minimum pricing for alcohol and the Government threatening to raise the tax on white cider, I thought it might be a nice time to discuss that little considered category of booze; the breakfast wine.
Now obviously, any wine can be a breakfast wine, but here are ten of my favourites that I find particularly good at fighting off the shakes, nausea, hallucinations and other unfortunate side-effects generally felt after a month long bender.
1.
Oxford Landing Cabernet Shiraz - £6.64 Per Bottle.
A spicy and poorly structured Cabernet, which rapidly differentiates into plum and liquorice on the palate. I find Shiraz wines particularly effective as an eye-opener because their high acidity and confrontational levels of tannins help to clear the fur from the tongue after a night on the organic scrumpy.
2.
First Cape South African Rose - £3.20 Per Bottle.
Rose wines have seen a surge in popularity in recent years, particularly among underage drinkers. This is mainly due to their similarities in both appearance and taste to undiluted Robinson's High Juice. I find this cheeky little number the perfect "morning after" remedy to a weekend of manly lager drinking. Crispy and fresh, with just a hint of strawberry and blouses.
3.
Wolf Blass Platinum Label Barossa Shiraz - £55 Per Bottle.
A fruity and magnanimous aroma which quickly gives way to a rich, velvety texture. Heavy on the nose, with a hint of uncontrolled riboflavin. £55 might seem like a lot to pay for a bottle of wine, but remember that you can fill the empty bottle up with any £2.99 corner shop red and return it to wherever you bought it, claiming that it's corked. It is highly unlikely anyone will argue with you, especially if you wear a bow tie.
4.
Jacobs Creek Pinot Grigio - £6.64 Per Bottle.
Distinctive and zesty as only a Pinot Grigio can be, I find this one mixes particularly well with a half pint of gin and a few cans of that foul green energy drink that you can only buy in Poundland, for a perfect, "Get Me To The Job Centre On Time" pick me up.
5.
Louis Roederer Cristal 2002 - £145 Per Bottle.
Champagne is lovely, so why save it for a special occasion? Live your life like an awful millionaire rap star and start your day with a couple of bottles of Cristal. Crisp and complex, with a disappointing finish that will leave you regretting spending nearly a grand on six bottles of fizzy water.
6.
Chateauneuf-du-Pape Gonnet Freres 2006 - £18.99 Per Bottle.
A baffling and intensely fruity red, with crude, spicy notes on the palate. I include it in this list because the stuff has a very long lifespan and remains drinkable even as late as 48 hours after being poured. I've lost count of the number of times I've stumbled across a half finished glass whilst trying to clean up the morning after a debauched cheese and wine evening.
7.
Warre's Warrior Port 75cl - £7.59 Per Bottle.
Whilst fortified wines have long been the preserve of alcoholic uncles and aunts, this soupy chap lashes out against such a fait accompli and prices itself into our breakfast range, offering a solid 20% ABV for a limited financial investment. Best served with a full English breakfast, including black pudding and Jaffa Cakes. It's certain to leave your heart pounding, and your left arm throbbing in pain.
8.
Country Manor Medium Sweet (3L) - £11.99 Per Box.
Whilst not as sophisticated as some of the other wines on this list, Country Manor Medium Sweet has one major advantage over its more refined competitors and that is its vast bulk. Although not very strong at only 7.5%, the sheer volume of liquid available in a box of this stuff will easily keep you ticking over until lunch. Hostile, fruity notes combine with just a slight hint of Amyl Nitrite on the nose.
9.
MD 20/20 - Roughly £4.99 Per Bottle.
MD 20/20 (also known as Mad Dog 20/20) isn't so much a breakfast wine as a cry for help, but due to the destructive effects it has on one's bowels, it'll certainly get you out of bed. Originally developed in the 1960s by the US Air Force as a high yield defoliant for deployment over the jungles of North Vietnam and Laos, MD 20/20 is actually quite hard to track down in the UK. I get mine imported direct from the US, but if you look hard enough in any dodgy London off-license, you're bound to find a few dusty bottles of the stuff. Even well after it's sell by date, it remains eminently drinkable. Definitely one for the cellar.
10.
Carlsberg Special Brew - Approx. £5.99 for four cans.
And so finally we come to Carlsberg Special Brew. Self-proclaimed wine purists might argue that this stuff isn't a wine at all, but a super-strength lager. However, clocking in at a disconcerting 9% ABV. per can, I'd argue that it's basically a breakfast wine. Mixes the heady aroma of a Wigan Pier donk night, with the subtle tones of barley, similar to waking up on a brisk spring morning face down in the effluent channel of a Ukrainian coke plant, two miles outside the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone. If you're drinking this for breakfast, then you've probably given up on life. Two thumbs up.
If none of the above match your requirements for breakfast nourishment, then I can only recommend mixing and matching two or more of them together in a blender and stirring it into the breakfast cereal of your choice. By the time this stuff smashes its way into your hepatocytes, you won't even be able to say hangover.
All the best!
