Four Tet - Kool FM

Check the savage Container remix. Reminds me of spending 10 hours on the compressor.

Real Life Diving Adventures Part 2 - Turtle Terror!

Coral reefs; some call them the rainforests of the Ocean. Home to an incredible diversity of fish, reptile and invertebrate species, coral reefs possess a wealth of biodiversity, but this wondrous bounty of plants and animals also comes at a terrible price. The beautiful reef systems around the world that we study and enjoy are also home to a terrifying arsenal of threats, ready and waiting to seek out and kill the unwary, the ignorant and the foolish.

From the mighty moray eel, which can grow up to 10m in length and has been known to strangle divers to death, to the vicious damselfish, which use large numbers to swarm and overwhelm their victims, the coral reef is a veritable smorgasbord of danger and death.

I've witnessed my fair share of carnage at sea. One time, I startled a golden trevally, which promptly swam straight into my face before fleeing into the open ocean. On another occasion, a pack of ravenous lionfish chased my team and I from our transect line during a survey, forcing us to abandon our equipment and abort the dive. Every diver I know has their own tales of terror. Some have been menaced by triggerfish, others chased by sea urchins. I even know someone who gave themselves concussion after bashing their head whilst unwittingly surfacing beneath a manta ray.

It's easily done.

To this catalogue of horrors, I must however add my own tale of marine savagery. Never will I forget my brush with death in the ocean, nor the beast that nearly robbed me of my life.

I was working out in Madagascar at the time, and my buddy and I were nearing the end of our dive. We'd been carrying out a routine rapid reef reconnaissance dive, searching for new areas of hard coral cover to record and map. We were just nearing the end of our 45 minute sweep and were preparing to begin our ascent and make our safety stop. I checked my instruments, noting my current depth and remaining air supply, and signalled to my buddy that it was time to begin our journey to the surface. We orientated ourselves correctly, and were about to begin swimming for the shallows, when suddenly my buddy began to signal desperately at me.

He had locked his hands together, both palms down, with one hand on top of the other, whilst wiggling his thumbs in little circles on either side. I instantly knew what this meant, but I couldn't believe that it was happening. Not now, not to us. We were both experienced divers, and had prepared for all sorts of eventualities and crises, but through all our training I had never imagined that I'd find myself in a situation such as this.

I signalled back to my buddy, hands outstretched with palms facing upwards in the universal “Where?!” gesture, and he began to point frantically behind me. Slowly, I turned around to look over my shoulder, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw it coming.

Roughly four metres from where we were drifting, a Green Turtle, Chelonia mydas, was making her way straight towards us. Turtles are often portrayed in the media as gentle, ponderous creatures, but nothing could be further from the truth. Amongst the dive fraternity, they have a well-earned reputation as vicious and relentless killers, and are often referred to as the “sharks of the sea”. As I stared into the turtle's cold, dead eyes, I realised that at that very moment, I could be looking directly at my own downfall. This was to be the creature that ended my life. This hideous reptile was to be my undoing.

Repressing my initial impulse to make a dash for the surface, I turned to face the oncoming nightmare. At our current depth, a rapid and uncontrolled ascent to the surface could easily result in decompression illness, and I struggled to remain calm and assess my options. Obviously, I'd never be able to out swim a turtle. Maybe if we were on land, I would just about be able to outrun her, but here I was in her domain, and surely I would pay dearly for my trespass.

I had strayed into the turtle's territory, and I knew that the only way to escape with my life, would be to face her head on. I reached down to my leg and grabbed for my dive knife, feeling a surge of adrenaline and relief as my fingers clenched around the sturdy plastic handle of the blade. As I pulled the knife from it's sheath, I suddenly thought back to my dive training; “Remember, a dive knife is a tool, and should never be used as a weapon.” I cursed silently and slipped the knife back into it's holder. A good diver should never act in contradiction of PADI guidelines.

Nearly a minute had passed, and the turtle was closing rapidly. She was now a good three and half metres away from us, and still approaching fast. I was quickly running out of options. If I didn't act soon, the beast would be upon us, and then there would be little chance of escaping with our lives. I looked back to my buddy, who was still signalling and pointing towards the turtle. Maybe he had yet to grasp the peril that we were in, or perhaps he had simply lost his mind in terror, I couldn't be sure, but clearly it was up to me to act. If I didn't, we'd surely both be doomed.

With the turtle now only two metres away, survival instinct took over. I had to confront the creature, but I don't remember making a conscientious decision, my body simply did what was necessary to protect itself. I kicked up with both my legs, placing them between myself and my armoured nemesis. Still she came onwards, cutting through the water like a Toyota Yaris. As she closed, now only a metre from my buddy and I, I realised that, if I were to defend myself, now was to be my only chance. In one swift kick, I finned the turtle in the head, sending her spinning away into the blue.

This was our chance to escape! I motioned back to my buddy, giving the ascend signal. He replied with a sort of, “What the hell did you do that for?” gesture, which to this day I've still never really understood. We immediately headed for the surface, pausing only for a three minute safety stop.

This time, we'd been lucky enough to escape with our lives, and as we clambered back onto the dive boat, I vowed that never again would I be as reckless as to allow my life to be threatened by a turtle (hence the reason I insist on taking a cricket bat on every dive).

Real Life Diving Adventures - Equipment Malfunction Peril!

A common mistake that many people make when they ask me about what I do for a living is to assume that, just because my job involves a fairly large amount of diving, I must have lots of exciting stories to share. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Surveying commercial fish populations is in reality no less mundane than any office job, except that the office is a under 15m of water and instead of a suit and tie I wear a BCD and fins (although I would dive in a suit and tie if I had one).

However, from time to time, things do get a bit hairy out there on the reef, and it is these moments that I now wish to share, so that others can learn from my experiences. These are real life diving adventures, and I will pull no punches in my retelling of what are often dramatic and terrifying events, although some names have been changed at the bequest of those involved and their families.

Equipment Malfunction Peril!

It was a clear, sunny day as we headed out into Chole Bay to conduct a routine reef health assessment. A light breeze played about us as we kitted up on the deck of the dive boat and the mood was relaxed and light hearted as we conducted our gear and buddy checks. We were to be diving in three teams of two, carrying out point counts of key fish species at a range of depths across sheltered patch reef near the centre of the bay. The team were all fairly experienced, having carried out similar survey work on the reef for the past few months and nothing was out of the ordinary, except that I was wearing a new long sleeved rash vest that I'd found in a bin round the back of the dive equipment store. It smelt a bit musty, but I'd been feeling the cold increasing towards the end of our most recent dives, and a bit of a whiff seemed a small price to pay for the warmth and comfort that this spandex top was certain to provide. I wasn't sure if it belonged to anyone, but it was in the bin anyway, so I assumed that no one would miss it.

We donned our gear and entered the water, utilising the backwards roll technique. The team then split into buddy pairs and spread out across the reef to carry out underwater visual fish censuses at a variety of depths. My buddy and I descended and reached our first survey point with no problems. We then commenced a ten minute point count, recording the species and size of individual fish from key species as they swam within our field of vision. After ten minutes, the survey was complete, and we moved onto the next site at the slightly shallower depth of 8 metres.

As we approached the site, I realised that something was going very wrong with the dive. I attempted to move my right arm, so as to unclip the dive slate on which I was to record the next set of data from my Buoyancy Control Device (BCD), but found that my movement was a little bit inhibited. I looked down to my wrist and, to my horror, realised that the sleeve of my new rash vest had caught on the zip of the pocket on the right hand side of my BCD. Not only that, but the zip had jammed slightly, making it a bit difficult to free my wrist

My first instinct was to try and tear my arm free, but doing so would risk ripping the spandex of the rash vest around the sleeve. Considering that this rash vest didn't even belong to me, that just wasn't an option. I struggled to remain calm and think rationally. Although I've been diving for a number of years, I could feel fear building up inside me. I was well aware that an equipment malfunction at depth, no matter how minor, could put not only my life, but also that of my dive buddy at serious risk. In an attempt to free the trapped vest sleeve, I tried pulling the BCD zip open, but this just made things worse as the spandex sleeve became further entangled in the zip mechanism.

I battled to remain calm and attempt to figure out a way out of this situation. Immediately, I tried to signal to my buddy that I was in trouble, but with my right arm a little bit trapped by the BCD zip, this quickly proved to be difficult. I tried to signal to my buddy, but I just couldn't get his attention with my right arm pinned as it was. Fortunately, my dive instructor had taught me how to give signals with both my left and right hands, and with my left hand still free to move without obstruction, I was able to warn my buddy that I was in trouble. I gave the “Problem” signal, using my left hand, and then pointed at the zip of my BCD.

I saw fear flash behind my buddy's eyes as he registered the seriousness of our situation. My buddy was also an experienced diver, but for a brief moment I feared that he too would become overwhelmed by the enormity of my rash vest nightmare and begin to panic.Fortunately for us both, he mastered his fear and swam cautiously towards me, taking care not to allow my awful situation to place him in any further danger.

Calmly, and without hesitation, he reached out and pulled the zip shut a little bit. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Surely this was madness? Would closing the zip not make the problem worse?! I signalled desperately to my buddy, trying to stop him from potentially killing us both, but he ignored my frantic gesturing. It was then that I looked down and realised that, by closing the zip slightly, he had in fact realigned the two sides of the zip, allowing it to open without problem and freeing the trapped sleeve of my rash vest.

Tentatively, I moved my right arm. Success! I was released from my temporary shackles and able to move my arm about again. I sighed with relief and signalled thanks to my buddy. His calm, quick action had saved both our lives. After such drama, the only safe course of action was to abort the dive, and we both made a controlled emergency swimming ascent, rising to the surface whilst breathing out to avoid lung over expansion injury or decompression illness.

We clambered back aboard the boat, both overwhelmed by the desperate situation that we had found ourselves in just minutes before. I was furious at myself for risking both our lives with untested and unsafe equipment. That was certainly not a mistake I'd make again. Upon return to the shore, I chucked the rash vest back in the bin, a fitting place for such a dangerous piece of kit.

My buddy and I both laughed it off afterwards, but deep down we both knew how close to the end we'd come during that dive. To look death in the eye as we both did that day was a truly humbling experience, and one that I'd certainly not care to repeat.